Why I’m Starting This – How music helps me cope

Well this has been a project that has been in my mind for at least a decade, probably more. I took the leap and I’m just going with it.

Many of us don’t think that one day we will rely so heavily on comping skills. The world piles it all on and we are left to figure it all out, Some of us are lucky enough to have people helping us figuring it out from the start, and others just have to navigate it themselves.

I don’t know exactly when I realized that music was a main coping skill for me, but it was definitely when I was young. I remember getting my first Walkman (yes I’m that old) and growing may collection of cassettes. It was an eclectic bunch, which would prove to be true throughout my life, and it continued to grow and provide me comfort and escape from my everyday life. My Walkman became permanently attached to me. Then it switched to the Discern, the iPod and now the phone. In the car, on the bus, in waiting rooms, hallways between classes, literally everywhere music fueled my life.

At 5 I started piano lessons and here was a whole new way to explore music. All I wanted to do was be a musician and share the thing I loved most in the world. I would learn songs that moved me, that connected to some part of my soul, even though I was young. I was lucky to have teachers who encouraged that and saw I had an innate talent to connecting to the emotional side of music, the part that you just can’t really teach. From there I learned drums and guitar, sang in choir, and taught piano for several years as well.

My life has been marked by several struggles, like everyone else. Things that I talk about openly, and others I still struggle to share. Music has been the one thing that has been my steady rock in an ocean of waves crashing around me. It has guided me through my first love lost, numerous loved ones deaths, career changes, marriage, postpartum , a pandemic, lifelong depression and anxiety, and everything in between. I can put on a song and be healed, seen, validated, angry, happy, transported, whatever I need in that moment. Music has an incredible power to connect us all on a deep emotional level.

This is a space I wanted to start to share these experiences. My journey with music has greatly been connected to my mental health journey as well. It is a complex web that I have been dissecting and feel the time is right to share with others. There is so much suffering and confusion in the world and if just one person feels seen by my story it was worth sharing.

“Wannabe” by The Spice Girls

Any girl who grew up in the ’90s knew who the Spice Girls were. Baby, Ginger, Posh, Sporty and Scary took the world by storm and spread the eternal message of “GIRL POWER” across the world! We were all wearing platform shoes with our hair in space buns….what a time to be alive….

Seriously the Spice Girls were a major influence on my life. In a world that always seemed to say boys did it better, guess what girls can do it better too. I was in middle school when the Spice Girls entered the entertainment world, and it was exactly what I needed. Five young women, all with distinctly different personalities, styles, strengths, coming together to create something magical. It was an inspiration, a movement, fueled by catchy tunes and the empowerment of women. In middle school kids can be cruel, so cruel. I was a victim of the bullies mercilessly, but there was a silver lining. I had an amazing core group of girlfriends. We brought each other up, never down. We banded together to provide safety in a world that was increasingly becoming unsafe. We could just be with one another. Many hours were spent listening to music and making up dances (luckily one of our friends actually took dance so we didn’t look like complete amateurs). We bonded over our love of this music and just being ourselves.

Raising kids now I think this song still resonates. It represents a world where everyone can be accepted for who they are. Being your authentic self is the only way to live your life. And obviously women can do anything. We are strong, intellectual, funny, smart, beautiful, complex people (female, male, whatever) so just live life with love and a girl power attitude and you can’t go wrong!

“Moondance” by Van Morrison

This is one of my earliest memories of music. I was probably around 4 years old and my parents had a record player and an eclectic record collection. This was fascinating to me. I can remember flipping through all those records, examining the beautiful cover art, and experiencing new sounds. It was my playground.

I distinctly remember asking for this song and dancing around the dining room. The jazz influence guiding my dancing and making me slowly start enjoying a new genre of music. It had a mysterious vibe and awakened some magical part of me.

Now looking back this makes a lot of sense to me. I have always been drawn to the more tragic and complex side of life. This song was a gateway to that side of me. After researching the song a bit and revisiting it I realized that this song still resonates as it taps into the more natural side of life. We are revitalized and living as best we can. It is authentic and contemplative and to this day I can say it is one of my favorite songs.